Stress-Busting-Exam-Breaking-Mind-Numbing-Deliciousness

Welcome to stress busting at its finest! A period of time where YOU, my lucky reader, get to not do anything but rest your weary and wandering eyes onto the smooth, sultry images I paint with my fanciful wordplay. So sit back and let daddy do all the talking alright? Seriously, don't interrupt. I've gotta take this call.

Anyways, during my study breaks I managed to learn a bit o' photoshop in order to turn Stephen Colbert's image into a piece-de-resistance!  For those of you who don't know, Stephen Colbert is holding a photoshopping competition where you download his likeness from his site and then you do whatever craziness you want to it and turn it back in. Only rules are that you can't change the resolution and you can't change the dimensions. Luckily for you all, I've completed a demonstration of said contest and will upload it for all to see! Let me know how you're feelin' about it and I'll let you know if I care about your opinion or not.

jkjkjkjk I'll take all opinions.

Except this guy's:

So without further a-do, I bring you......STEPHEN COLBEAR!

There you have it folks. That bear is all over Stephen's arm like Barney on Fred's Pebbles. It looks way better cause it's scaled down...which I guess doesn't say much for it being scaled up.....but it gets the job done I feel.

So there you have it! My blog once again has rescued you from 5 minutes of what would otherwise be torturous, grueling, mind-pinching exam studying. And what's better, if you fail, you can blame it on me! I helped you relax AND I'm a scapegoat! It's the perfect plan! What could possibly be better?!?!

...You're right, double rainbows are way better.

Well, I wish you all luck on studying for exams and on living life and getting jobs and spouses. You're the coolest people ever and I hope that one day when you're really, really, old you find $20 in your pocket. Have an awesome life!

Man-Time. It's Time to Unleash the Beast.

...and so I told him where he could put his foot and.......what?....really?....no wa...oh, dangit...hey you! I didn't see ya there. You should say something next time!.......haha no YOU'RE the coolest.....no, YOU......okay, okay. I am pretty cool....oh stop it, I'm not THAT handsome.....you're a silly goose you know that?.....Ohhhh man. You are quite the smooth talker my friend. You cut to the core of me every time. I could listen to you all DAY....haha okay, okay I'll start my blog now.

Anyway, I looked back over my old posts (SO taxing might I add. There's like a bajillion) and I've noticed a trend of frilly, delicate subjects. Not that I don't like those things, but in order to convince people that I am in fact a guy I'm gonna have to edge up this blog a little bit, let it grow some scruff, punch it in the face, and buy it a motorcycle.

So, in order to juice this blog up to Chuck-Norrisesque standards, I'm going to bring in my ol' pal,  the bear.

Few animals invoke such admiration out of a man than a bear. I'm going to take a couple little summarizations to outline why I think it is that bears are freaking cool.

1. HUGENESS

First of all, they're massive. There's just no getting around that. A bear easily outweighs the largest of men. They make Hagrid look normal sized. How could you look at something that big and not wonder what it would be like to be that huge? As a man, I commend the bear on his ability to get super large. It's no easy feat, as I have tried it myself and have only found mild success focused mainly around my waistline, which unfortunately is not as attractive to girl humans as it is to girl bears.

2. UNBRIDLED PHYSICAL STRENGTH

Don't be fooled by probably the cutest little polar bear you've ever seen, he's a freaking beast. In the matter of a couple months this little rascal is going to be benching 1000+ pounds as a warm up. I bet that if the strongest man in the world arm-wrestled a month old bear he would lose and then probably get eaten, as is the custom in bear-culture. 

It kinda makes you wonder what they need all that strength for. I mean, if they just dieted and watched their figure a bit more they wouldn't need all that rippling muscle. I is so confused!

And that's precisely why they are manly. Bears don't care about their weight or how they look. Just how big they are. If they look good, it's because it came naturally.

3. DEVIL-MAY-CARE FEROCITY

This bear probably just found out that somebody stole his Fruity Pebbles, and you can bet that the person who stole them is contemplating facial restructuring, a new identity, and moving to Svalbard (real place, look it up) cause if this bear catches him he can kiss all that stuff goodbye anyway. Bears live in the wild (contrary to popular belief in the mythic "city bear," a bear who finds a good job in the city and leads a quiet life at home with his wife and three children). What better molder of your personality than where you live? Nature is a harsh place meant for harsh things. If a bear simply high-fived every animal it came across it would never eat nor gain any respect from it's wild-life peers (of which owls are the hardest to gain respect from. Seeing as how they feel like they're so high and mighty they feel like they can just forget everyone's names). That's why the bear has developed a nasty 'tude that's earned them a fearsome but respectable reputation in the forest community.

4. THAT GOOD OL' FASHIONED "WE LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND" LOYALTY

Now this one is a shout-out to all the Momma bears out there. Y'all rock, man. Not only do you have to wash, feed, teach, and play with your cubs, but you have to do it on your own. Papa bear just off and dipped out before Momma bear got his number. But seriously Momma bears, I could only wish to even possess an ounce of the loyalty you possess. It's a safe bet that if anything touches one of those cubs Momma bear knows about it. Momma bear knows all. And if Momma bear finds out that someone's trying to take cubby bear away, that someone is going to wind up inside-out, face-down, upside-down, backwards, and sideways. Momma bear doesn't fight fair, she wins. This fact is nothing short of inspiring. All men (despite whatever observed behavior) desire to possess this loyalty. Probably all people desire loyalty to an extent, but men long to display this loyalty. Men desire something to devote their life to. When a true man finds something worthy of his loyalty, you can bet that he isn't letting go. No way, no how.

And that my friends, is why I believe the bear is considered one of the manliest animals on this or any other planet. I bid you luck on trying to find one manlier, as I have carefully considered and weighed all options before settling on the majestic bear (meaning I took about 5 minutes to mull it over). I hope that every man who has read this now understands a little bit more about himself and knows why every time he sees a bear on TV he has an urge to ride it.

Adieu!

What is it with Men and Asking for Directions?

I remember buses. Back in the day I rode buses like a boss. Life was so flippin' easy. I went to school, then got on the bus and it took me where you need to go. Errday. On the bus, off the bus. Wash, rinse, repeat. There wasn't too much thought involved. It was automatic. Everything was pretty decided for me, from my tricked out uniform to how many hours I would spend playing with the stray kittens in the neighborhood. In a way I'm starting to envy those times, but at the same time I'm really starting to embrace my future.

I was watching Conan the otha night with my fam. I'm not an avid late-night-talk-show watcher, but I am an avid proponent of laughter at any time of the day. As I watched it I allowed myself to disconnect for a sec to just think about what it is Conan O'Brian does. Basically:
1. Talk to celebrities.
2. Be goofy.
3. ....I got nothin.
Definitely an over-simplification. There's a ton of behind-the-scenes stuff I don't see that leads up to everything on the show. But basically I feel like I could fit that description. I'm goofy, and I like being goofy in front of people. So I've started seriously considering switching to a Broadcast Journalism Major. I've started looking into it and while it seems taxing I feel like I would love it. This, however, is pure speculation. After all, I'm going on my incredibly simplified version of Conan's talk show. Not exactly something to base your life around. I'm going to keep looking into it, but I could definitely see myself doing that.

This last Friday I ended up taking a Greyhound Bus to Savannah from Ft. Lauderdale in order to get a ride back to Athens in time for the Georgia vs. Georgia Tech game (which by the way, we won. We beat them in football, and have a Rhodes Scholar. n00bs). The Greyhound Bus, for those of you who don't know, is a bus that takes you from place to place and crosses state lines. I was tempted to tear and soil my clothes in order to appear like I had previously been mugged so that people wouldn't mug me. Fortunately no one was up for mugging me, but they were definitely into sharing their problems. Prophet Phillip was my first bud. Prophet Phillip was a Haitian missionary who had numerous political goals. Then there was Crystal, a girl with a troubled past who was trying to turn everything around. Then there was semi-pro football player who was everybody's guardian angel and outspoken hater of evil. All of these people were headed somewhere different, but for a little while our destinations were the same. I for one have been inspired by these people. Most of them didn't know where they were going once they got off the bus and had no family to speak of. It was faith that kept them going. Real faith. Not "I-really-really-really-really-times infinity-hope-she-likes-me" faith, but "I have nothing else but God to lean on" faith. That jive is real and it's convicting. I can't help but feel that I've gained a true insight into the kind of faith God wants to see us. It was crazy to say the least.

Now I'm gonna bring it all in. As kids, many choices were made for us. However as we grow older, we must move into the role of active participants in our own lives. To sit by idly would be to sacrifice a tremendous gift. No one else can tell you what to do. It's up to you to take control of your life and decide on a direction. Just like Prophet Phil. Just like semi professional football player. Just like Crystal. Just like me. It will take you down to the bare minimum and that's when your find out how strong you really are. That's a true test of will. If following your dreams brings you to your knees, get up. Get up and go buy kneepads. Kneepads of faith.

Love, Eventually.

Since I'm well aware that everybody loved this blog before I even finished the first post, I decided to share it with those unfortunate enough to know about it by sharing the link on my Facebook. Web traffic jumped to new levels as I watched my view count triple from 1 to 3 and then slowly increase to subsequent numbers such as 4 and 5 and the eventual 6 (I really had to pray for that one). Business was booming and I was untouchable.

So while I basked in my newly realized popularity, a couple of my close amigos became atwitter all up on my post. It kinda went a little like this:

• Grant: Beebs you're so behind the times. Watson became the "thing" like 3 years ago.

  Yesterday at 5:36am ·  ·  1 person
• Nolan:  I know she will find this dude, become flattered, and randomly visit your room one day.

  Yesterday at 8:03am ·  ·  1 person
• Nick: Dude, she's totally gonna marry you

  Yesterday at 9:57am · 
• Nick: P.S. - ever thought about being a writer?

  Yesterday at 9:58am · 
• Andrew: NO SHES GONNA MARRY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  and btdubs. shes gonna marry me.

  Yesterday at 12:06pm ·  ·  1 person
• Me: 

  Grant: Only helps my chances.
  
  Nolan: I think I would open the door, become nervous, and pee my pants.
  
  Nick: Not sure how I feel about marriage yet. I'm gonna need to meet/ know her for at least 3 days before I'm ready to make that huge leap. ...See More

  Yesterday at 12:25pm ·  ·  1 person
• Grant: Ok, let's settle this marriage thing. I had dibs on her from after the 2nd movie. I saw the potential that early on, while all of you nerds were still obsessed about Misty from Pokemon. While Misty was awesome, I scouted this one out early. So all claims are mine. Winner winner chicken dinner.

  Yesterday at 12:35pm ·  ·  1 person
• Me: Grant, what kinda marriage are you looking to receive from a dibs? You can't force love!! Misty should have taught you that!!!

  Yesterday at 12:45pm ·  ·  1 person
• Andrew: Grant, i had dibs from the first movie. Ever since she went back for ron, i knew i wanted that. So initial dibs is mine. Winner winner hermione makes dinner. for me. cause im her husband. one day.

  Yesterday at 3:04pm ·  ·  1 person
• Grant: By second movie, I mean before her character was even thought up. So I win. No one ups. Grant is the winner. You may now refer to her as Emma Carlton.

  Yesterday at 7:09pm · 
• Grant: Also, if you look at the comments that people like, it is obvious that I am the winner. So there.

  Yesterday at 7:13pm · 
• Andrew: By first movie, i mean the first moment she came out of her mothers womb. yep it was just baby love at first sight! so I WIN. ask emma. she'll tell you.

  Yesterday at 8:23pm ·  ·  1 person
• Nick: Just liked all statuses but GC's. Boom.

and............that's how it went.

Anyways, I got to thinking about how I'm 20, and that how within the next 10 years I'm probably going to get married. That's like....a huuuuuuuge commitment. I'm not talking about joining the 7th grade football team or taking your freshman girlfriend to homecoming, but freaking marriage. You're basically saying you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, and you haven't even lived half of your life with. How the hack am I s'posed to make that decision when my point of reference is so small? I'm not saying that love is impossible, in fact I believe it's anything but. But the odds are definitely stacked against us.

How will I know? I'd like to believe that falling in love is just like getting punched in the face, but I'm afraid that this just isn't the case (partly because getting punched in the face is just a feeling, and I believe that love is more than a feeling. But that's for another blog). I've had my fair share of attempts at love, and each has come up short. Whats more is that each of these attempts felt right at the time, but eventually failed to hold up in the long run. Or as my ECON teach would say, *high pitched guy voice* "the short run benefits were more elastic than the long run benefits. AVOCADOS!"

Okay, so he didn't really shout "avocados!", but he was thinking it.

So basically, I've been trying to think more of love as something that happens eventually. It won't smack you in the face like the scent of black coffee, but I imagine it like enjoying a cup of hot chocolate. You have to wait for really good hot chocolate, and when you're drinking it, you never want it to end (who chugs hot chocolate? Crazy stupid people. That's who). 

Love will happen eventually, but people looking for instant results will be disappointed. Take your time and have some hot chocolate on me. 'Cause I love you all :D

• 
  

Meeting Emma Watson

Before you tell everyone and your grandma (she would need to know, trust me) that I met Emma Watson, I should probably go ahead and tell you that I haven't. Bummerton, I know. I'm no closer to meeting Emma Watson than I am to receiving my Hogwarts letter (fingers still crossed on that one).

Meeting Emma Watson hasn't always been one of my goals. In fact it's only been one of my goals for about three days. I'm not even sure why she's become such a big deal to me. Chances are I will never meet her and there's a part of me that's okay with that; however, the side that wants this to happen will not easily succumb to this simple fact of life.

Is it that impossible though? I don't think it's fair to rule the possibility out before the attempt, and so far I haven't really done anything worthy of being dubbed an "attempt" to meet Emma Watson other than speaking to the TV screen. There's something about dreams that is inherently questionable or daunting. If you could realize your dream by flipping a switch then where is the satisfaction? Unless that switch is connected to your life's work of the world's first un-lose-able remote then you might as well be reacting to stimuli. There's a reason people don't dream about breathing or blinking.

Don't let your dreams become their own obstacles. Embrace their challenges with open arms because that is what gives them meaning. Go climb a mountain. Go start a business. Go meet Emma Watson.

On a side note, I honestly think she's just as attractive with short hair as she was with long hair....I wasn't sure at first but now it's grown on me. I mean, she's Emma freaking Watson. She's out there saving India with organic clothes and then studying Euclidean Geometry for her test that night on the plane ride home. She's allowed to get haircuts shorter than my own.